I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
