so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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