did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
