he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
