Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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