Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
