theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
