I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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