I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my liver is dry heaving
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
