Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
