When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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