if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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