Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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