Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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