You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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