You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
