i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
