At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
