you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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