Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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