So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
