I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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