we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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