He disabled his match.com account in front of me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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