i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
