You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
