I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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