My friends, they love my intelligence
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
