I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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