It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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