Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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