Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
