Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
