So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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