Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
