YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
