why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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