my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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