let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
