Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
