God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The chlamydia really affected his face.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
sex in a hospital.. check
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
