How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
