I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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