standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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