I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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