All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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