He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
