I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
