I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
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You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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