I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
