Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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