So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
