Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
