my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
handjob tips. give me some.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
