so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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