I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
