why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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