The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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