Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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