I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
People in love make me want to vomit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
