He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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