Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
