I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
