he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I faked an abortion last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
